The end of college is near. You can almost see the cap and gown flying towards you in a Snape-jumping-out-of-the-window manner. You can almost taste the freedom. Soon enough you will have a job and finally be paid for all the shit you have to do. You know you are ready to enter adulthood or "real life" as it is commonly known as. You know your stuff. You pushed yourself in high school and studied so you can get into a good school and study whatever it is that you "figured out" you wanted to do with your life. Then college came and you partied a bit, fell in love a bit and studied a bit (a lot during exam week). You had your fun, but as graduation drew near, a sort of mix of emotions started to come over you.
At first it was a tingling in your toes when you were considering how in the world would you be able to pay all these fcking bills on a junior position salary. But then you remembered the glamorous idealistic portrayal of your future that your brain had so kindly crafted to help you cope with the change. The tingling went away and excitement was back. "I'm gonna get a job. Seriously...How hard can it be? I did everything right after all."
Then graduation comes, you and your boyfriend have to move. Long distance relationship ensues. It's not ideal, but as soon as we get jobs, we will have plenty of money to visit each other and then move and be together again and life is pink and unicorns are singing One Direction in the background.
Now about that job. I mean you did everything that you were supposed to. You went to school, studied hard, learnt languages, studied sciences. Went to college, picked a major, struggled being on your own, got tougher and powered through. You studied your ass off, took your exams, wrote your papers, got respectable grades, did not develop an addiction to anything besides caffeine. Life really should reward you by helping you out with that job thing.
Rejection one comes and you feel a slight disappointment, but it wasn't even the one you wanted so it's all okay really. You've applied to like 10 more jobs.
3 rejections. 7 did not even bother sending them.
Disappointment now comes in full force. You are living with your parents and still taking pocket money. I mean you are supposed to be on your own and make money, live the life, get married, be successful. And yet it just seems to not really be going that way for you. The more applications you send, the worse you feel because your break seems to not want to come. You did everything right and now you're stuck in a loop of rejections and "So sweety, do you know what you're gonna be doing now,eh?" , followed by a sympathetic look when your face says it all. "AT THIS POINT I WILL DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING REMOTELY RELATED TO MY DEGREE. ANYTHING." They know the look. They feel you.
Oh look. AN EMAIL! Oh wait. "Congratulate (enter college friend's name) on their new position in (the most awesome company on Earth)! " Thanks LinkedIn. Just what I needed.
But they say everyone finds their place. It will come to you. But you need to work for it. Don't worry you'll find out what it is eventually. Just hurry up and make your parents proud.

The other day something magical happened. I have been in a relationship for about 3 years now. And everything has been going great. Love the guy. But there is one thing- he refuses to watch The Lord of the Rings with me. REFUSES. And why, you might ask. Because me mumbling the lines to the movie was apparently annoying. 

It's finally happening. It's here. You've waited long enough and now it's your time to enjoy it. You finally have a boyfriend for Valentine's Day. You've spent this horrible day single before and you know that no matter what you decide to do in those 24 hours you will never be as happy as the people who have someone to share it with. Getting chocolates and flowers from your dad gives you the feeling that even he now feels bad for your lack of romance.
But this year is different. You have your boyfriend and your expectations. Nothing but perfection will do. And there it is. The eternal issue. That is why Valentine's Day will always blow. The expectations, demands and need for perfection. We are all starved for romance and Valentine's Day has been advertised as the antidote to all our relationship-related imperfections. If your boyfriend doesn't ever surprise you, well there is his chance to prove that he is in fact a romantic. If he never buys you presents or flowers, what better time to change that than the day when everyone is doing it. If he has lost interest in you in the bedroom, V- Day better be the day he sprinkles those rose petals on the bed and lights the candles. And it is so well known that this SHOULD HAPPEN, that you expect it. You know he should be doing this, he should be ensuring that everything is sheer perfection. If he doesn't, then disappointment ensues.
But is it really fair to put all one's expectations, demands, hopes and romantic goals on one stupid, insignificant, little day? Does it really matter? Is it fair to say that your relationship is defined by the proceedings on Valentine's Day as it is the most romantic holiday there is? I call bullshit. I say you go and enjoy your boyfriend every single day. He cooked you pasta for dinner when you were too exhausted to do anything yourself but he forgot to book a V-day reservation? Big Fucking Deal. If a man loves you, you can feel that every day. Some men like to plan things for V-Day. Others most certainly do not, but that doesn't make them any less worthy of your utmost appreciation. After all, it's just another day so fck the disappointment and go enjoy the fact that you are spending another day with the person you love.

Photo courtesy of www.amazon.co.uk

There are certain things in one's life which are kind of expected. You are supposed to do them and there's nothing strange about that. It is just how things go. You are supposed to go to school and you are expected to get a job and you should want to be very successful. Then there are things that you get used to doing. Every day you wake up, brush your teeth, get ready, head out and grab a Cappuccino from Starbucks on the corner next to the tube. Then you go in, attempt to find a seat, travel to your destination, get to work, take a lunch break, etc. Sounds familiar doesn't it?
And then there are those moments which are milestones- memorable, different, long-anticipated. They are different from any of the other shit you deal with on a daily basis and on a major level. Yes, perhaps you went ice skating for the first time yesterday and it was kind of cool. That's not a milestone. But if you went ice skating and you realized that ice skating is what you want to dedicate your life to and now everything is going to change in order to accommodate your new pursuit. That, my friend, is a milestone.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, you can agree with me that milestones are rare. If you ask me, we should have more of those. But sadly no one really cares what I think. However, I did stumble upon a milestone today (YAY). So long story short- I have wanted a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. I've probably been lusting after it for about 7-8 years. But as those of you who don't live in the US know, KitchenAids here are pretty expensive. They retail for about 450 pounds for the Artisan version, which is a pretty steep price for most people. Even if you are rich, it would probably not fall under your impulse purchases. And yes, you would all probably argue that if I saved up in those years that I have been craving it for, I could have purchased it a couple of times and that is very much true. I knew that and yet I did something else.
I spoke to my parents about said appliance constantly and my dad finally craved when I was about 17. He said he would get me the mother of all mixers....when I graduated from college. Fair enough I did think he was kidding at the time seeing as it was 5 long years away and I didn't think the man would do that to me. Seriously...5 years.... And yet, to my surprise, he did mean it. So we shook on it and I started the backwards counting. when I was 20, I had a bit of an existential crisis and though "Well hell, I'll just save up and in a couple of months (probably more than a couple), I will have that baby in my kitchen, doing what mixers are supposed to do." So I started my adult variation of a piggy bank (in secret because I didn't want my parents to know just in case I failed...See, I am not really known as the saving-type of person...). Let me tell you, I was actually managing to keep my carefully prepared savings plan ( I also printed it with beautiful gold decorations...duh). Time was flying, I was saving, everything was going perfectly and then I had a flash of wisdom, which came rather unexpected.
It was not really about the mixer anymore. My dad had made it about more than just an expensive appliance. He had made it a celebration of accomplishments in a way. I felt like if I bought it at that time, it wouldn't be deserved. It wouldn't be the right way to finally have it. I had waited for years, saving Kitchenaid pictures on Pinterest and all that comes with obsession. And now, when the object was within reach all of a sudden I wanted to wait? I honestly didn't even understand myself at that point. And some of you might say that I just didn't want to spend my own money on it, but it really wasn't about that. You see, I have no issue spending money, it is holding on to it that I find difficult. It was about the idea of having the KitchenAid mean something more than just another purchase. It was supposed to mark an important event in my life- moving on from studies onto "real life". It was going to be a sort of "Hey, by the way, you managed to get through college. Good for you. Now go get a job." And I wanted that.
So after that whole ordeal, today I placed my order for a KitchenAid Classic Stand Mixer in White. The day has finally arrived. There are two weeks left in my Academic Career and my dad is giving me my "graduation present" a bit early. And let me tell you, it was worth the wait. It will arrive next week and I can't be more excited about it. Not just that, but I feel like it's deserved. I feel like now, I get to enjoy something that I have wanted for years. It marks my life heading into a new direction and a very important other part of it, fading into the background. I mean college has been great and being done with it is terrifyingly scare, but at least I have my mixer to keep me warm (metaphorically). Now I am ready to go and get my dreams crushed by the cold ruthlessness of adulthood.
 

Ingredients:
For the dough:
3 cups  flour
1 cup  milk
1 sachet instant yeast
4 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
5 tablespoons butter (melted)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
(3 cups of vegetable oil for frying)

For the glaze:
2 cups icing sugar
3-4 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Cream cheese icing:
2 cups icing sugar
50 grams butter at room temperature
125 grams cream cheese at room temperature

Put the milk in a sauce pan with a teaspoon of sugar and heat up to body temperature. Afterwards add the yeast and give it a stir. Leave it for 5 mins or until it starts to froth. Measure the flour and add the salt. Add the yeast mixture, the butter and eggs and mix in with the flour. Continue mixing until a ball is formed and the dough seems ready to be kneaded.











 Afterwards, lightly flour our work surface and commence the kneading, which should last about 5 minutes or as long as it takes to form and elastic and manageable dough. Then put in a greased bowl and cover with plastic foil. Place in a warm place and let rise for an hour or until doubled in volume. I usually put it in my oven at 50 degrees C to give it the extra heat.
After the dough has risen, take it out of the bowl and knead for a couple of minutes to get it back together. Then take your rolling pin and flour it.




















  Roll out your dough to start cutting out the doughnut shapes. I use the lips of a glass for the doughnut and a piping bag tip for the doughnut hole. Place the ready doughnuts (and holes if you wish) in a greased tray and cover with damp cloth. Let them rise for another 40 minutes. Afterwards, heat up your vegetable oil. While your oil is heating up, start making the glaze by adding the water and vanilla extract to the icing sugar.When the glaze is done and your oil has reached the temperature, you may begin the process of frying said doughnuts. Just add them 1-2 at a time as to not overcrowd the pan. Adding too many doughnuts at a time would take down the temperature of the oil, therefore resulting in your doughnuts not being crisp on the outside. Do not leave in the oil for too long. It takes less than a minute on each side to get the perfect golden brown doughnut. After you take them out, place them on parchment paper to get rid of that nasty excess oil. Once that is done and your doughnuts have rested for a little bit, you may start dipping them in the glaze. Do one side or both if you're that kind of person. The sugar-loving-kind that is. Then leave them on a rack to fully cool and to let the excess glaze drip down freely. For the doughnut holes or if you (like me) made some larger doughnut balls, you can fill those up with frosting, Nutella or jelly. I chose Cream Cheese Frosting. Just mix up all of the ingredients with an electric mixer and then put in a piping bag. Stick the tip of the piping bag in your doughnut and  squeeze as much as you like. Not too much as the doughnut will break, but you will feel when to stop. That is about it when it comes to homemade doughnuts.

We are all looking forward to becoming adults. Going through school and college like we cannot wait to get to where we're supposedly headed. And I do know where I'm headed. Do I know how I will get there? Not necessarily. 

Christmas is more than a time of year. It's a mood, a spirit if you will. The red, green and gold, the lights and christmas trees peaking out of every corner. The crisp air and rosy cheeks. The planning of the presents you're going to buy for your loved ones. The excruciating wait until you can actually present them with the carefully wrapped box. The moment when you see their smile. The guilt- free hot chocolate because it's cold. The decorations on the store windows. The Christmas movies. The advent calendars. The mince pies (if you're into that kind of thing). The chocolate Santas.
Everywhere you turn there is something reminding you to spread the cheer. Just because it's Christmas. It's not just a time of year.And there are places that portray the spirit so well. They hit the spot in just the perfect way. London does that. And some say that it is nothing more than consumerism at its' finest. But it's more than that- it's tradition.
You leave South Kensington Station and are greeted by tourists and kids, smeared in chocolate. Everyone is made of equal parts frost and excitement as Christmas floats in the air through the smell of gingerbread cookies and Eggnog Lattes. The bookstore is filled with books illustrating the magic that is this holiday. The Victoria and Albert museum is packed with people attempting to sneak a peak at the great works of art that reside there. The store overflows with the desire to please and make someone happy. Wrapping paper and bows go as fast as freshly baked baguettes.

The Natural History Museum portrays one of the simplest wonders- how water freezes into ice. The rink is huge and decorated with a beautiful Christmas tree. Parents and kinds, girlfriends and boyfriends and husbands and wives holding hands attempting to evade the had fall. It's intense and it's beautiful and everyone is happy. Spiked hot chocolate and a smell of mulled wine and nothing seems to be missing. There is a magic in the air that is like opium- one whiff and you are hooked. You fall for the oldest trick in the book- Christmas Magic. Because everything is better in December. The smiles are wider, the food is more, the love is more intense, the loved ones are dearer, the sparkle is blinding. And not much else matters.

I seem to be one of those people who have a top of ideas, but get bored mid-task and never really finish it. Ideas have never been my problem. It's always been execution. But I do have the rare moments when something really inspires me and motivates me to actually power through and get to the finish line.
But when I have managed to conclude a project and reach the desired outcome... you can't compare it to anything else. It gives me a sense of pride- like I have finally achieved this. And did so out of nothing- just creativity and a teardrop of enthusiasm and motivation. It is truly an amazing feeling. And yes, that does happen rarely. Most of the time I fail miserably and admit it.
But does that mean that I shouldn't be allowed to fail in my own way. No. It doesn't. That is my main problem with most educational systems- the limitations put on a person's creativity. It really kills the flow.
If a professor tells you that your idea is all over the place and not good enough. He is more than hinting that he disapproves and you should change it. Like right now. Change it. But I like to stick to most of my projects. With most of them, I am quite passionate about the subject. I am not going for the grade, but for the opportunity to say something. Or better yet- show something to people. I am not attempting to teach or show that I have learnt. I am trying to convey feelings, emotions and ideas. That's it.

Sometimes all a person needs is pancakes. Especially on your day off. Especially when they are shaped like hearts. For some reason this always makes me happy. Having your food look good is more than just a waste of time. It's an art form that is an integral part of your life, influencing you at least 3 times a day. 

There is something very strange about living in a city like London. Especially if you've been born and brought up in a place very different from it. At first you go there and you attempt to explore every little corner of your new habitat. You want to see everything, meet everyone and let it all sink in. Then you take your impressions and create this romanticized perception of the city. You fall in love with the amazing views, the richness of the history and the plethora of opportunities that are there for you to just reach out and grab. And then there is a gentle transition to something else.
 You start going to school or work (or both). You make a bunch of friends and you find your favorite spots to hang out. Your days get filled up with arrangements and chores. You find the stores you like and the ones you hate. You find the fastest route to class. And all the magic starts to evaporate. You become familiar with your surroundings and they no longer impress you or even grab your attention. You get on the tube when you have to get somewhere because it's the fastest and most efficient way  to travel. If not, you take the bus- it might be longer, but it's also cheaper. On the rare occasions when you do walk, you take the fastest way and perhaps stop for coffee or to buy some groceries. You already have the loyalty card- you're there every day. You say "hello" to the salesman, who is more like your best friend these days. You do see him at least once every 48hrs after all. You conduct the small talk that is expected, you get the products you need for tonight's dish and get on your way. You get home, kiss your loved one, thank God for TiVo and do what you've been looking forward to all day- a big, fat nothing.
And the romance between you and the city is lost.  You used to walk and get inspired by everything. The tourist bus would take you to see all the things that are supposedly worth your time. But then you would satisfy the thirst for more by searching for the little places that would be particularly interesting to you. You would find them and they would be amazing. Everything was. Everyone was new, interesting and full of adventure. You would take cabs, because you wouldn't know where things were and when you were in a hurry it was kind of justified. Strangely enough, it is so much  easier to admire the beauty of the city through the window of a taxi. The colors are different when you see them through the dirty one of a bus. They are not as expressive and that same beauty seems faded. The history makes it seem old. The diversity is nothing more than smelly food on the tube next to you. The small streets become nothing more than death traps full of tourists. The boutique bakeries and afternoon tea become more than luxuries- they become redundant in the fast-paced life where necessity is the only justifiable reason behind most actions. Adventure and inspiration take a back seat, while needs, time and hunger to prove yourself are behind the wheel. Everything seizes to appear as though created by Superhumans. Now it's just the place where you live.

People are very different. Our past experiences, our culture, our upbringing, our language and many more things that we don’t even consider define us all. But the things that put us all in the same pile are even less noticeable. One of them is heartbreak. It’s something that most of us have experienced and it has shaped us into the individuals that we are today. It has molded our past and present relationships with friends, family and partners and turned them into a reflection of our inner flora and fauna.Once you’re heart has been shattered one time by a person who you trusted, it is important to find someone to put it back together. Some of us are lucky enough to find that someone, but others aren’t. And they are blamed for it. We judge them for their actions and the way they treat others, but it’s not always their fault. They don’t trust and doubt everyone and everything. I’m not trying to make excuses for them. I’m not saying they are not wrong. I am not saying that them breaking someone else will ever make up for their own hurt. But it’s the cycle of life. It’s the things they never tell anyone that have made them into the individuals that they are today.We all seek appreciation and love in one way or another. We are all looking for something to make us worthy of what we want. Otherwise we might just end up losing it. People might see though our masks and realize that we aren’t as good as we want to seem we are. We aren’t all that people expect us to be. Maybe inside we’re just lost. Lost in our thoughts, our problems and dilemmas. And no one ever find out unless they really care. Unless they dig deeper, because they want to know the real person beneath the socially acceptable mask.